A woman is asking for advice on how to cope with her husband’s decision not to have another child.
Starting a family is a significant decision that can bring immense joy and fulfillment to one’s life. However, when partners do not see eye-to-eye on whether to have another child, it can be a challenging and emotional situation. Here, we see how one woman is heart-broken with her spouse’s decision to not have another child.
The Desire for Another Child
The woman, who we’ll call ‘Sarah’ said, “I have always always wanted two children, my entire life. When I envision myself as an old woman, I envision myself with two children.”
A Son In His Terrible Twos
Sarah and her husband currently have a 2-year-old son. “We have an amazing 2-year-old son, but he is in his terrible twos. He’s sweet and also feisty and has tantrums. I know that this is just a stage and will not last forever.”
Husband Confides In Sarah
“My husband recently shared with me that he does not want another child,” Sarah said. “We are in a very strong financial position, money is not an issue. We can afford another child. We are young and healthy. Unfortunately, we do not have any family help nearby, and we do both work full time. So the days can be tough but not impossible.”
“I’m just gutted,” Sarah confides. “I feel myself falling into a depressive state. Has anyone else been in this position? He is a wonderful husband and a great dad. But I can’t see my life without another child. I don’t know how to accept that the person that I love is taking away something so important from me. I probably have another 60-70 years of life on this earth, how do I not spend those years in resentment? I’m just so devastated.”
Scarce Emotional Resource
One person said in response to Sarah’s predicament, “If money isn’t a problem and he hasn’t offered up extra help as an option, I would guess it’s the emotional and relational investment needed to be the kind of dad he wants to be that’s the root of his feelings. Having kids can be really draining for some people – on their adult relationships, on their relationship with their partner, on their time and on time needed to recharge. He might not have more of those resources to give to another child and that’s very valid too.”
Another Share Their Own Experience. “I was in this exact situation. My son, now 10, was a difficult baby with colic and was your typical toddler with tantrums but still as he grew older he was much easier. Around the age of 2 I was ready to try for another. My husband said no. He told me he understood if this meant I needed to leave him in order to have more children with someone else although he hoped I wouldn’t. He is a fantastic husband, and a great father. I felt I was put in an awful situation, especially since I made it known to him how much I wanted children, multiple, not singular. I [eventually] came to terms with our life as a family of 3. It was hard to shift my expectations to my reality. I still get sad sometimes. But I do feel like I made the right choice. There is so much we are able to do with just him that I don’t think we would have been able to do with more. We have the money to travel and to give him everything he needs without worry. He has our full time and attention. Above all, we are happy. My son even recently came home from spending a week at his grandparents with his 3 cousins who are siblings and said it was absolute chaos and “they fight too much” and he thanked us for not having siblings. He is content with our little family. I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make.
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