It was the picturesque life of a travelling couple that had drawn them together in the first place. For six years, they had spent their marriage indulging in the luxury of visiting exotic places, exploring new cultures, and experiencing adventure together.
However, for this couple, the honeymoon phase seemed to come to an abrupt end after the arrival of their son.
We were so happy and adventurous before we had a baby together,” said the wife. “Now I can’t stand him.”
Despite the fact that the husband was an amazing father, the wife was feeling the strain of their relationship. With the family now living in the same city, the wife had to deal with her husband’s non-stop complaining about their new home.
“He’s been non-stop complaining,” she said. “Literally since the moment I gave birth in the hospital, when I was so sleep deprived. Throughout postpartum when I was so depressed and anxious, it was HIM constantly non-stop complaining that my home town is so quiet and he has no one to hang out with.”
These complaints had caused the wife to feel resentful towards her husband and regretful for having a baby with him. She was longing for the days of long-distance again, where their travels had brought them close together.
It was a situation that is all too familiar for some couples. Perhaps, for this couple, it is time to reflect on how to make long-term changes that will benefit both of them and their son.
What Others Are Saying
Having a baby is a huge milestone in life, and it can be a stressful time for couples. With all the added responsibilities and changes in lifestyle, it is normal for partners to experience a period of adjustment. This can put a strain on relationships, but it is possible to get through it with some effort.
This is what some people suggest couples do to help their marriage survive the transition. The first tip is to avoid making any major decisions in the first year after having a baby. As many marriages are tested during this time, seeking counseling together can help couples open up and discuss difficult topics.
I wouldn’t be making any big decisions that first year after having a baby. Many marriages are tested, it’s extremely common. You could look into some counselling together to help open up conversations,” one person suggested. “The fact that you guys were so happy before bodes well for your marriage returning to that place. I wish you luck navigating all these big changes, and I think it’s likely things will improve with time.”
It is also essential for couples to talk about the changes that have occurred and how to work together to get back to a place of happiness. Couples counseling is recommended for this purpose, as it provides a safe and constructive platform to work out conflicts. “That’s a whole lot of big changes all at once. Even without a baby on top that would be a big stressful adjustment so try to give some grace to yourself and him too. If you can swing couples counseling definitely do it. And you guys really need to sit down and hash this all out, during counseling would be probably best so you have someone to help mediate and make sure it’s done in a constructive way,” another suggested.
It is also important for the couple to have compassion for each other and to understand the enormous adjustments that have occurred, such as lack of sleep, increased responsibilities, and hormonal changes. Adjusting to being a parent and being exhausted is huge and I don’t know about you but I know I get cranky and snippy when I’m super sleep deprived. Your probably neither of you your best selves right now and add all the hormones on top it’s a rough time generally.”
Ultimately, the couple should take a step back and recognize all the factors that are at play in the relationship. If they are open to working it out, seeking help from a couples counselor can be beneficial in navigating the situation.