A man is looking for support for his decision to ask his wife to see another obstetrician after the doctor made unkind remarks towards him.
As a husband and an expectant father, it’s natural to want the best possible care for your pregnant wife. But when the obstetrician she is currently seeing is intimidating and condescending towards you, it can be difficult to navigate. A man recently wondered if he was in the wrong for wanting his wife to switch doctors.
The man, who we’ll call Randolph, is 29 years old, and said that the obstetrician they have been seeing is physically imposing and has a hostile attitude towards him. He shared, “He is a really imposing guy, both physically (very tall and fit) and in terms of personality. He has had a really hostile and condescending attitude towards me since we first met for apparently no reason.”
The situation worsened as the doctor started treating him in a belittling way, making him feel like an idiot, and calling him by his last name in a cold and disrespectful manner. Randolph tried to voice his concerns to his wife, but she refused to switch doctors, stating that she liked the current obstetrician.
Randolph shared, “My wife seems to really like him. He always gives her compliments about how she looks and congratulates her for being so great at everything related to the pregnancy. I told my wife I wanted us to leave him and go to a different doctor but she is refusing. She says that changing would be stressful to her and that she doesn’t have any problem with him.”
Randolph’s wife argues that her feelings should be the only thing that matters because she is the pregnant one. However, Randolph thinks his wife is being ’emotional and irrational’ and feels that his voice should also be heard, especially since it is his child too.
Others Weigh In
Randolph’s question received a mix of responses from people. Some were on his side, while others felt that his wife should have the final say, given that it’s her body and her pregnancy. One person chimed in, “It’s her body, she gets to choose the doctor. You saying she’s ’emotional and irrational’ for having this boundary makes me think her doctor thinks poorly of you for a reason.”
Another woman, who is pregnant and a fitness instructor, shared their perspective, saying, “I’m 19 weeks pregnant and just reaching for my purse causes me unbearable pain. I’m a fitness instructor planning on working up until 40 weeks. I would roll my eyes at that doctor if I was [Randolph] but then just sit back and take the treatment. Why? Because his wife is growing a child, and will have to eventually birth that child. She deserves the team of her dreams.”
Many also pointed out that Randolph’s comfort with the doctor should not come at the expense of his wife’s comfort and care. One person shared, “My husband will be my support person during the birth of my child. I can’t imagine choosing a physician who treats my support person like garbage.”
Some people also questioned the husband’s motives, with one person stating, “It sounds like [Randolph] may have made up his mind about the doctor before actually meeting him. Did anyone else read the first lines and think that part of the problem was the OB being a larger guy than him?”
Despite the mixed responses, one common theme among the comments was that the wife’s comfort and care should be the top priority. As one woman pointed out, “As long as he’s medically competent and his wife likes the guy, [Randolph] should let his wife make the call. It’s a way to support her during a vulnerable time.”
While it’s understandable for the husband to want to feel comfortable with his wife’s obstetrician, it’s important to prioritize the wife’s comfort and care. The decision to change doctors should be made together, with both partners being open and honest about their concerns and feelings. The health and well-being of both the mother and the child should be the top priority, and the couple should work together to find a solution that works for both of them.
What would you have done in this situation?