A woman wonders how she can convince her bump buddy to quit smoking while pregnant.
Pregnancy is a time of excitement and anticipation, but it can also be a time of worry and concern. One woman shares her struggles with supporting her best friend, who is a heavy smoker and overweight, during her pregnancy.
Trying To Conceive
A woman who we’ll call ‘Rain’ begins her story by sharing that she had been trying for a baby at the same time her friend did. “One of my best friends and her husband started trying for a baby around the same time as we did. They are both HEAVY smokers and she is very overweight (40+ BMI). Now I’m 26 weeks along with my second baby and she’s 11 weeks with her first.”
Being Frank About The Need For A Lifestyle Change
Rain notes that she and her friend are childhood friends and family friends. “Since we’re super close, I’ve been really supportive but really honest with [my friend] about how she needs a lifestyle change,” Rain shared. “She’s like a little sister to me, so I don’t feel like I’ve been overstepping, I’m genuinely so worried for her and her baby.”
Uninterested To Change
However, Rain is frustrated at her friend’s reluctance to change. “During her 4 months of trying to conceive, I’ve been her absolute cheerleader, giving her advice and encouragement so she can lose weight and stop smoking. I’ve been overweight and a smoker myself in the past, so I know the struggles so well. But she’s not been interested, and always changed the subject. I begged her to seek professional help, but she was skeptical.”
Will A Positive Test Change Everything?
“I thought once she gets that positive test, she will change and she will put in the effort,” Rain said, disappointed. “But nothing changed at all. Except for the fact that she started being an extremely overprotective pregnant lady.” Rain added that her friend gave up her job so it doesn’t hurt the baby. She also stopped doing most chores and spends most days in bed.
Stopped Trying To Change
Rain continued, “just the other day we were having a pregnancy chat and I asked her how she’s doing and if she’s finding it easier now to remove her bad habit.” Her friend said she stopped trying to improve her lifestyle. Rain said, “Her husband refuses to stop as well, and he refuses to change even when the baby is born.” Rain also said that her friend thinks “the stress from trying to change her lifestyle would be far more dangerous for the baby than the smoke itself”. Her friend also said they aren’t the only parents like this.
Rain Is Disappointed
Rain said of the situation, “This just horrified me to the point that I cannot talk to her anymore. I can understand trying and failing, but not even trying [is something else entirely].”
She Will Change When She Wants
Many told Rain that the issue is that her friend doesn’t want to change. One person said, “Until your friend decides to change on her own, literally nothing you do or say will convince her. I’ve been there with thinking there might be some combination of words I could come up with that would suddenly “wake” my friend up and inspire her to stop drinking. But the thing is that she already knows everything you have to say; she just doesn’t care. Until she cares enough, nothing will change.”
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