They Kept Their Pregnancy A Secret But Want Presents. Do You Think It’s Ok?

One man wonders how to announce the birth of their baby when they’ve kept the pregnancy secret the whole time.

Years Of Trying

Pregnancy is a time of joy and excitement, but it can also be a time of stress and pressure. For one couple, the journey to parenthood has been a long and difficult one, marked by multiple miscarriages over a few years. The man, who we’ll call Jackson, said, “My wife is 34 weeks pregnant, which is the furthest we’ve gotten in four years of trying to have a child. We’ve had to handle multiple miscarriages in that time, the latest loss being at 18 weeks, which was also two or three weeks after some immediate family badgered us into announcing it early on Facebook.”

Keeping The Pregnancy A Secret

Jackson shared why they decided to keep the pregnancy a secret. He said, “For this pregnancy, we decided to keep it quiet as long as possible, and not to tell our friends or family until our kid is born, to ease the pressure and unsolicited advice that my wife will inevitably face from friends and family during her pregnancy. ”

Most Family Live Out Of State

While keeping the pregnancy a secret has been a challenge, the couple was able to keep the pregnancy a secret because they live out of state from most of their friends and family. “The only exception is the handful of friends/sisters/co-workers that my wife confided in that we know can keep a secret or that we couldn’t physically hide it from,” said Jackson.

A Small Baby Shower

Despite keeping the pregnancy a secret, the couple did have a small baby shower with some of the few people who knew. As Jackson shared, “My wife had a very small baby shower with some of the few people that know.” However, the couple has been trying to brainstorm the best way to have a post-birth baby shower with the rest of the family, likely through a virtual celebration due to their distance from most friends and family.

Prepared For The Arrival

The couple has set up a baby registry for the anticipated baby reveal and baby shower, however, Jackson notes that they have already purchased most things they need for the baby’s arrival. “We have a registry built up already and have gotten pretty much every big-ticket item that we’ll need right away, so we’re not exactly suffering in silence or without the means to prepare ourselves for our upcoming child.”

The Future Announcement

As the couple prepares to announce their child’s birth, they are considering the best way to approach the topic. Jackson suggests a quick registry plug on Facebook after the initial shock with family wears off, but is open to suggestions.

Odd That They Are Expecting Gifts

Most responses have been supportive, however, some wonder why they are expecting gifts. One person said, “Congratulations on reaching 34 weeks! I fully understand your reasons to keep the secret.” They then proceeded to say, “I would just find it odd that you are expecting gifts considering that you are not actually hosting people. Maybe (as someone already suggested) share a link to the registry only if someone asks for it.”

Having A Registry Is Cheeky

Another echoed the first response, saying, “I think the registry thing is a bit cheeky, after excluding people from the announcement for so long. I can see a lot of people feeling extremely snubbed and then hit up for gifts, which is not ideal. Maybe you should just do an announcement, with a small explanation as to why you didn’t announce until the birth, and leave the registry out entirely. If people want to get gifts, that’s up to them, but if you’ve got the big-ticket items then it shouldn’t be a huge issue. That’s what I would do, anyway.”

Sip And See

Another suggested doing a ‘sip and see’, which is slightly different from a baby shower. They said, “You call it a “sip and see” after the birth, with the idea being people are meeting the baby rather than showering you. But of course people will bring gifts. And they’ll just have to get over learning after the fact and understand that with your history, you wanted to wait.”