A woman, who we’ll call ‘Diane’ is wondering if she should start charging her middle child for rent to teach her a lesson.
Supporting Adult Children
Diane has three daughters, all of whom live at home with her and her husband. The oldest daughter has disabilities and is currently receiving services for job readiness. She lives with them rent-free and has been doing so for four years. “My husband and I support all her needs and some wants,” Diane wrote.
Youngest Child Still In School
“My youngest is still in high school and just started her first job,” Diane said.
The Problem Child
Diane’s problem lies with her middle child. “She was my wild child,” Diane shared. She said that her middle child became a mother at a very young age, at 18 years old. She also said that her daughter is ‘boy crazy’ and doesn’t have a good track record as she always looked for ‘bad boys’.
Diane’s daughter has two children of her own, a two year old and a one year old. Diane has tried to be supportive of her but has had enough.
Her Daughter And Their Kid’s Dad Broke Up
Diane shared that the children’s dad and her daughter recently broke up, yet she already has another guy lined up. “I tried to tell her to wait and just get her life together and just focus on her girls.” However, it seems as if her daughter doesn’t want to listen.
They Were Already Living With Her
Her daughter was already living with Diane even when she was with her ex. “Her ex and her were already staying with us before they broke up so she continued living with us.” Diane shared that her daughter’s ex didn’t have a job and her daughter only makes $10/hour, so she doesn’t charge her rent, although they have an agreement that she would contribute in other ways, such as cleaning, and running errands.”
Diane Wants To Teach Her
Diane wants her daughter to start thinking about moving out and getting her own place, but she feels guilty giving her daughter some tough love. “I know I should charge her “rent” to start teaching her responsibility but part of me feels guilty about it. I still feel like it is my duty to take care of her. But I know I have to let go of that. Its just very difficult.”
She Doesn’t Want To Ruin The Relationship
“I don’t want it to ruin our relationship. I know she is already stressed out with the kids and having them so young she hadn’t matured all the way yet. So it’s a lot of responsibility all at once. So didn’t want to overwhelm her. But feel like at this point I have to guide her hand to making more responsible choices with her money.”
“I love my grandchildren with all my heart,” Diane said. But she also expressed that she wants to have more of a ‘grandmother’ role and do things in her own time instead of being stuck with the children. She also shared that she wants her daughter to be independent in case something happens to Diane. “I want to know that she can stand on her own. If and when I am no longer around.”
Others Weigh In
Many gave her advice, but the most popular advice said, “I would sit down with her and look at her budget. Also get her to file for child support if she hasn’t already. I would then charge her a reasonable amount for rent. Without telling her, I would take that money and put it in a savings account. When she is ready to move out on her own, give the money back to her for deposits and getting set up.”
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