A man wonders how he can find the courage to leave his verbally abusive girlfriend.
Being in a relationship can be a beautiful thing, but when not when it turns abusive. It’s even worse when you realize that it’s difficult to leave. A young man who we’ll call ‘Ryan’ recently shared his struggle with leaving his emotionally and verbally abusive girlfriend.
Stuck in an Abusive Relationship
“For the past year, I have been facing strong verbal and emotional abuse from my girlfriend,” Ryan shared. “I am never enough for her and she is always complaining and degrading me. She constantly belittles me and calls me words I can’t describe.”
Holding onto a Fantasy
Despite of the way his girlfriend treats him, Ryan finds it impossible to leave. He said, “I am totally bounded to her, probably because I think that one day she will realize what she is doing to me and fix her actions.”
Difficulty Finding Courage
“I have never been in a situation like this before, and no matter what I do, I cant find the courage to leave her. I always go back to her,” Ryan lamented.
Staying For The Possibility
Others shared their advice for Ryan. One person said, “It’s very common for abuse victims to have difficulty leaving, and for it to take several attempts for it to stick. You say you are staying, because you keep thinking she will eventually realize what she is doing to you, realize it is wrong, and try to fix it. So you are staying not because you want to be with her, but because of the fantasy that she will turn into someone else someday, an actual good person who has very little in common with her, and who is capable of a good relationship.”
Giving Up On the Dream
They went on to say, “It’s hard to give up on a dream. A dream of being with a good person. But she isn’t one. And that fantasy doesn’t exist. If she did turn into a drastically different person, it wouldn’t even mean she’d want to be with you, because if she weren’t abusive, she’d be different in all sorts of ways.”
They ended with, “You need to accept that the person you want to be with does not exist, and the person you are with is terrible. But if you leave her you might truly find a totally different person who is good.”
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