If you’re thinking that you’re ready to settle down, peruse through this list to make sure you have your bases covered. After all, no one wants to be stuck in a miserable marriage.
Thinking Physical Attraction is Enough
“Thinking physical attraction is enough.”
Falling for the Sunk Cost Fallacy
“They fall for the sunk cost fallacy and assume that because they’ve been together X months or years or whatever, they must be life partners, or that things must move on to the next “stage”. Just because you’ve given someone five years doesn’t mean you owe them another 50.”
Thinking You Can Fix Them
“Thinking, “I know this person has flaws, but when we’re married I can help fix them.””
Not Discussing Important Life Issues
“Not discussing big life issues: your preference for having kids, finances, parenting styles, deep religious beliefs, career aspirations, significant traumas… anything that may affect how you make decisions together later on.”
Choosing Someone You Think You Should Be With
“Choosing someone they think they should be with instead of someone they’re actually compatible with. A lot of people have a picture in their head of who they think they’ll end up with and chase that ideal, instead of acknowledging their own personality and aiming for someone compatible with that.”
Falling in Love with Being in Love
“Don’t fall in love with BEING in love.”
“The two of us would admit, years after our divorce, that we pretty much liked each other only because the other one gave us any attention whatsoever. It didn’t matter that we were on different wavelengths on almost everything in life. What mattered was that she gave me the time of day, and I returned that to her. Neither of us had any other romantic prospects, for a long time, so the fact that ANYONE was willing to be in the same room with me was enough for me to say “Let’s spend our lives together”.
Not Discussing Goals and Boundaries
“Not discussing goals, boundaries, or waiting beyond the honeymoon phase.”
Bonus: Having Children Too Soon
“Having children with them before really getting to know the person. It’s important to know who those children will be exposed to. Many people are on their best behavior early on. And in a short period of time you likely haven’t seen how they handle a difficult situation.”
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