Excluding a Kid from a 3rd Grade Birthday Party: When is it Okay?

The Situation

The parent, who we will refer to as M, has a son who is turning nine years old. He invited about 10 of his closest friends to his birthday party, but one notable exclusion is a kid in this friend group

Earlier this year, there was a more serious incident at a fellow parent’s house where the kids were playing downstairs while the parents were watching football and talking upstairs. 

The Usage of the N-word

It wasn’t M’s house, nor M’s kid, so it didn’t feel right to get involved, especially as Jack’s mom overheard this and immediately went downstairs. Unfortunately, the night was wrapping up shortly afterward, so they left.  

Excluding Jack from the Party

As recently as the end of last week, M saw an e-mail his son sent to one of his friends in the class asking why Jack was pleasant to the friend but not to him.  

The Dilemma

As parents, we want our children to be kind and inclusive, but what do we do when one child is consistently causing problems and making others unhappy?