Use The 3 F’s of Effective Parenting when Disciplining Your Child
Parenting can be tough. Just when you think you’ve got it figured out, something comes in out of the blue and you don’t know what to do. Welcome to parenting in the 21st century. The world changes quickly these days and so do the challenges of parents.
There are so many things you have to deal with today that weren’t on your parent’s radar. This means that if you turn to your mom and dad for parental advice, they might not always know what to tell you. Even though times and parental challenges change, there are still a few things that worked for your grandparents and parents, and will also work for you.
What hasn’t changed is that one of your most important jobs as a parent is to teach your child self-discipline. A simple guideline to use concerning discipline is to consult the 3 Fs of effective parenting.
That means that discipline should always be …
1. Firm – This is often tough for parents. It means following up on what you said would happen if rules weren’t followed.
You love your kids but you, like a lot of parents, might be afraid of being too firm. You figure you’ll give your child a second chance. But that second chance gives way to a third and a fourth and a fifth chance. The consequences of your child’s actions and negative behaviors are not firm, so your kid keeps testing you again and again.
You have to be firm. You should clearly state beforehand what’s going to happen when inappropriate behavior occurs. Then as soon as it does, you need to follow through with firm disciplinary action.
2. Fair – In legal circles they say that the punishment should always fit the crime. This doesn’t always happen. You have no doubt been shocked by some news story where a hardened criminal got off basically scot-free even though his offense was very serious.
The opposite happens. Sometimes the punishment is much more severe than the crime would indicate. When your kid messes up, even if it’s for the millionth time, your discipline should fit the offense. Don’t overreact.
3. Friendly – You don’t have to yell and scream at your child. You can use a very friendly approach and tone of voice. In the southern part of the United States there is a saying that goes like this. “You catch more flies with sugar than with vinegar.”
That simply means you can get someone to comply with your desires more often than not if you use positive communication and reinforcement rather than negative. Be friendly but firm when you communicate discipline. Don’t beat around the bush. Be straight to the point.
Discuss exactly how your child behaved inappropriately. Then discuss the consequences you discussed with your child previously when talking about rules and appropriate behavior. Be sure to praise them for correct behavior when they display it. Make sure you communicate what can help the child behave appropriately in the future.
Never Discipline as a Knee-Jerk Reaction
One of the biggest problems that produces poor parenting is inconsistency. Your child doesn’t know what to expect. The 3 F’s of effective parenting can keep you consistent.
Maybe you discipline for a particular action one time and then you don’t do it the next time. You let your child skate when he’s acting inappropriately for so many times that he believes his behavior is acceptable. Then you step in and drop the hammer on him with some harsh discipline. Imagine how your child feels. He looks to you for guidance and all you are doing is confusing him.
One thing that develops this inconsistency is responding too quickly with discipline.
If you need to step in immediately and stop your child from doing something that could be potentially harmful or damaging in some way, certainly do it. But make sure you step away from the situation for a bit to catch your breath and consult the 3 F’s before you deliver punishment.
This can keep you from disciplining too harshly or deciding not to discipline at all. Remember, decide how you’re going to be firm, fair and friendly before you discipline your child.
