A mother wonders if she is in the wrong for not allowing her daughter to stay overnight at her sister-in-law’s due to her dislike of her sister-in-law’s new boyfriend.
The Mother’s Perspective
The mother (OP), a 33-year-old, shared that she dislikes her sister-in-law (SIL)’s new boyfriend due to his behavior. She explained that when they were living in separate apartments in the same complex, the couple’s noise and fighting caused disturbance to her family.
“They would fight and break things all hours of the night to the point where either my husband or myself would go up to check and make sure they were both still alive,” she wrote. They recently moved into a house and I have found out they are still having these mega fights to the point where sometimes she wakes her kids up and gets them in the car to leave her boyfriend to smash up the house.
Her Sister-in-Law’s Relationships
According to OP, “When I first started seeing my now husband, SIL was with someone who I had known for over half my life. When they separated I was very neutral, and they have no issues with each other as they co-parent.”
OP says that her SIL is dating a new guy, and has now with him for almost a year. “They have been together almost a year now, and we were living in seperate apartments in the same complex until recently and they had lived above us.”
“A month into their relationship I had to ask multiple times if they could keep the noise down with television and partying because their living room was over my newborns bedroom,” OP said. “They would comply but the next weekend it would be the same thing. Then started the fighting.”
OP says that the fight is so constant, and has not decreased after they moved into a new house.
Her Sister-in-Law’s Relationship With Her Daughter
OP is very close to her SIL, but laments that they rarely see each other anymore.
“I love my sister in law, she’s one of my best friends and life really has hit her hard the last two years. She loves her niece but now never comes to see her because she has to bring her BF with her every time she shows up and I just hate the energy he brings to my house,” OP shared.
The SIL has asked a few times to have a sleepover with OP’s daughter, however, she feels wary of letting her sleepover at a place where trouble might ensue at any moment.
She has asked a couple times to have a sleepover with my daughter and her two kids, but I’ve been making up excuses so I don’t hurt her feelings. I think my husband is starting to get a bit upset with the whole situation because I’ve let my daughter go with her other aunts to sleepovers.
The Crowd Weighs In
The post sparked a debate about the role of family dynamics and boundaries in relation to children’s safety.
One person said, “Your kids safety comes before SILs feelings or your relationship with her. You’ve flat out heard the fighting. If you wouldn’t want to be in the room with that imagine how much worse it is for a child. If you’d like the kids to have a sleepover offer her kids to come by you. And be honest about why.”
Another shared their concern for OP’s SIL and her children. “I’m more worried about your sister and her kids.”
Most people agree with OP’s decision not to let her daughter sleepover at her aunt’s. As one person put it, “You’re doing right by your daughter by trying to protect her. I don’t have many memories before the age of 4 but the ones I do have are from going to aunt and “uncle’s” house where they mostly fought and hit each other and one time he turned [his anger towards me becuase] he didn’t like something I did. Mom never let me over there again after that but the damage was already done. You’re a good parent seeing the behavior and making the hard choice to choose her safety over family ties.”
What would you do in this situation?