A woman is wondering if she was in the wrong for forcing her husband to be at a pregnancy scan while he was busy at work.
A woman, who we will call Cheryl, has sparked a debate after sharing her story of demanding her partner join her for their first scan despite his new job. Cheryl, who is 12 weeks pregnant with their second child, asked if she was in the wrong for insisting her partner attend the scan.
“He told me before starting [that] he had cleared it with his new job,” Cheryl shared.
“About an hour before our first scan he called me and told me something had come up at work and he wasn’t going to be able to make it to the scan. I burst into tears and told him I needed him there,” Cheryl wrote.
The partner did end up attending the scan but was visibly stressed and not present during the appointment.
“He ended up coming but was really stressed, not very present and had thought it was going to be much quicker than it was,” Cheryl laments. “Everything was running late with the scan. He had people waiting for him back at work, his phone was constantly ringing and he ended up leaving early to get back halfway through the scan once the heartbeat had been confirmed but before I got the risk results. I was encouraging him to leave because his “don’t want to be here” energy was stressing me out.”
He even left early to return to work, missing out on the full experience. Cheryl admits to feeling “cheated” out of the special moment, but also acknowledges the pressure her partner is under at his new job.
Others Weigh In
Others weighed in on the situation, with some expressing sympathy for the partner’s predicament.
“He’s on probation at work right now. He loses that and the whole family is in trouble. He probably already felt badly because of having to work during this,” one person observed.
Another added, “He’s trying to provide for your family. If he’s at a new job, it’s critical that he stands out if he wants to rise higher from his current position. Which would provide even more for your family. You didn’t need him to be at the scan. I’m not saying you committed some evil crime, but you probably owe him an apology.”
Some suggested that Cheryl may have been too focused on the idea of a “storybook” moment, rather than the reality of the situation.
“You wanted a the storybook ‘look at our baby’ moment, and real life intruded. Just like it intruded the previous time. It sounds like the spouse made a legit effort, and best laid plans went sideways,” one person wrote.
Despite the differing opinions, many users emphasized the importance of open communication and understanding in any relationship.
“I would recommend being very conscious/intentional with open communication & don’t assume what the other is thinking. You assuming he had ‘I don’t want to be there energy’ is a quick trip to Resentment-Town. Guilt/shame/anxiety/stress/disappointment can really skew reality,” another advised.
In the end, it’s clear that the situation was a difficult one for both parties involved. While it’s understandable for Cheryl to want her partner present during the scan, it’s also important to consider the stresses and pressures of a new job.
What would you have done in this situation?