One woman is wondering if she was in the wrong for telling her mother that she does not want her in the delivery room when she gives birth.
As a first-time mother, the prospect of giving birth can be both exciting and daunting. However, one 20-year-old woman, who we’ll call Lea, had her excitement dampened by her mother’s insistence on being present in the delivery room.
Lea explains that she has always been private about her body and that her mother’s openness about such matters makes her uncomfortable. When she informed her mother of her decision not to let her in the delivery room, the response was less than favorable. “She said she just wouldn’t be there then,” Lea shares.
Despite her mother’s hurt feelings, Lea believes that it is her right to decide who is present during such a personal and intimate moment. “Isn’t it up to me who gets to be in the room for this life altering moment in my life?,” she asks.
Lea’s mother, however, feels entitled to be present during the birth of her grandchild. “Because her mom was in the room with her,” Lea explains. When pressed for a better reason, Lea’s mother simply states, “because I want to.”
Lea stands her ground, asserting that her best friend, who she has known for ten years, will be present during the birth. “It’s a completely different relationship,” she explains.
The situation has caused tension between Lea and her mother, with the latter giving her the silent treatment. “Now I’m not even comfortable in the place where I’m staying,” Lea laments.
Ultimately, the decision of who is present during the birth of a child is a deeply personal one. While it is understandable that a grandmother would want to be present, it is important to respect the mother’s wishes and boundaries. As Lea asserts, “I’m the person giving birth so I think what I want is more important.”
Others Weigh In
Many have come out in support of Lea’s decision, emphasizing the importance of respecting boundaries during such an intimate moment. “It’s your birth experience and your decision,” Lea writes. “If you’re not comfortable with it, she needs to respect that.”
Others point out that it is ultimately the mother’s medical situation and therefore her decision. “You’re pushing a baby out, you get to decide who’s in the room,” another says.
Another person offers a helpful suggestion for damage control with Lea’s mother. “It might be helpful to tell her that it’s not because you don’t trust her, and you do want her involved with the baby, you’re just really self-conscious and are trying to do what’ll be easiest and the least stressful,” they suggest. “You could also tell her that you want her at the hospital, in case you change your mind day-of, but for now, you’re planning on the current setup.”
However, some express concern over the woman’s mother’s behavior, suggesting that it may be indicative of a larger issue with boundaries. “If she can’t handle this boundary take a look at how she treats your sister and her children,” one person writes. “I’ll bet money on her not respecting parenting boundaries either.”
Another person sums it up, “She is having a temper tantrum to manipulate your choice… and I’m proud that you are strong enough to stand up for the birth plan that you need. Good luck.”
What would you have done in this situation?
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