One couple struggles to agree on whether or not to have a second child, and the man has suggested that he may leave for another woman in order to have more children.
The original poster on a Reddit thread struggled during her pregnancy and the early months of motherhood, and has since decided that she does not want to go through it again. She recounts, “The up-all-nights, the trauma it did to my body, the hormones, getting a baby ready for daycare every morning, breastfeeding/pumping… everything is just all so exhausting.”
Despite her wishes, her partner has been insistent that they have a second child. As she reflects, “He has stated over and over again that he wants another. He is adamant about it, and it has gotten to the point where he has passively suggested he will leave me for someone else to have another child. He has said things like ‘I can’t be with someone who only wants one kid.’ And ‘I will not only have one child in my life.’”
The woman has tried to find other ways to add to their family, such as getting a pet, but her boyfriend’s attitude remains the same. She expresses her frustration, saying, “we have been together for about 3 years and always talked about having kids (both wanting more than one). I have since changed my mind after having the one child, which I feel that I am allowed to do after experiencing it. He is a great, loving father to our baby, I just feel he is being immature and crossing a line by threatening to end our relationship when we have been talking about marriage and already have a house together.”
This woman’s story sheds light on the larger issue of couples who can’t agree on whether or not to have a second child. As this woman’s situation demonstrates, both partners need to be able to openly and honestly discuss their feelings and be willing to compromise in order to make the best decision for the family.
Issue Boils Down To Incompatibility
It can be difficult to decide whether or not to have more children in a relationship, especially when one partner wants to have more and the other does not. While it’s important to consider that both partners have the right to their own wants and needs, it is also essential to remember that a relationship must be based on mutual understanding and respect.
As this decision can be a difficult one to make, couples therapy could be a beneficial way to better understand each other and find a compromise. “You shouldn’t have any more children if you don’t want to. If he strongly does then you two might not longer be compatible,” one person suggests. “If you haven’t already, couples therapy may help.”
Another woman shared that when her husband kept bringing up having a third child, she explained that it would have to be with someone else, because she was done. She noted that pregnancy is hard on some people, and that she would not risk her body and overall health, for something she was not all in for. “My husband kept bringing up having a third,” she recalls. “I explained that would be happening with wife #2, because wife #1 was done. Pregnancy is very hard on some of us… My husband understood, and let it go.”
Ultimately, having a partner who would potentially leave you for a hypothetical baby is not an ideal situation, and is another sign that it’s time to consider having a serious conversation about the future of the relationship. It is important to listen to both sides and be understanding, but if it has gotten to a point where staying together is detrimental to either partner, it might be time to move on.