Do The Parents Need To Make The Effort To See Grandparents So They Can Have A Relationship?

One woman is wondering how often is realistic to visit her parents so they can have a relationship with her son.

As much as grandparents are known for their love towards their grandchildren, the relationship can be complicated. A woman, who we’ll call Amy, is seeking validation, and shared her story of how her parents who live 25 minutes away from her family, never make an effort to visit their only grandchild. She said, “When he was a newborn we would invite them over and they would say no because we needed time to “bond as a family.” After that, I kind of just stopped trying to initiate visits for the most part.”

The tension between the grandparents and the family escalated when Amy’s mother issued an ultimatum to Amy, saying she needed to divorce her husband. This has caused a falling out between them.

As a result, Amy has only brought her son over 2-3 times this year to see her parents. However, her mother recently started making passive-aggressive comments about not seeing her grandson, despite living so close.

Amy seeks validation on how often it is realistic for visits. “I’m curious how often is truly realistic for visits,” she said.

It is essential to recognize that grandparents have their own lives, and they may not be available for visits as often as the family would like. However, the family also has the right to set boundaries and communicate their expectations clearly.

Others Weigh In

The responses to Amy’s query sheds a light on the varying frequency of grandparent-grandchild visits.

One person shared, “My parents live 5 minutes away, and I only see them every second or third week (me and my mom don’t have a good relationship). We see the in-laws about once a week or once every two weeks (we have a better relationship with them). It’s not your responsibility to make sure people have a good relationship with your kid.”

Another raised a crucial point in the discussion, “I mean, let’s take a step back and talk about why your mom laid out an ultimatum for you to divorce your husband. Where did that come from? Do you want to expose your children to that tension on a regular basis?”

On the other hand, some shared their positive experiences with grandparent visits. One user wrote, “My in-laws live next door (literally), and we see them in passing pretty much every day. My MIL will come care for my 2yo when I need to grocery shop or days when he’s still napping when I need to go get my big kid from the bus, and we have meals together at least once a week. In the summer, we go on a lot of walks. My parents are 20 min away, and we see them a minimum of once a week, usually a couple. And my mom will usually FaceTime the kids another night of the week.”

Another shared, “My in-laws live 10 minutes away, and we see MIL 2-3 times a week. She takes my 20-month-old 1 full day or 2 half days so I can catch up on housework/just hang out with our newborn, and then we always go Sunday afternoon for dinner.”

While some families may have regular visits, some may have strained relationships or live far away. Ultimately, it is up to the family to decide on the frequency of visits that works for them. As one user rightly pointed out, “It’s not your responsibility to make sure people have a good relationship with your kid.”

This article has been inspired by Reddit and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Arnie Nicola

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