A father is wondering if he is in the wrong for allowing his son to live a sub-par life compared to his twin sister.
The father claims that his son had the same opportunities as his daughter, but made different choices.
The Father’s Investment Plan
The father, who we’ll call Jason, and his ex-wife had a plan for their children’s future. When their children were young, Jason and his ex-wife gave their children the option of allowance or investment. Jason explained the risk involved in investing, but unfortunately, his son made a risky investment and lost all his money. “My son put his in to a very risky investment(against my advice) and ended up losing it and decided not to do it anymore(with in a few weeks),” Jason said.
Jason’s daughter, on the other hand, quickly learned the ropes and played with different investments and companies. As a result, she has saved up more money than her brother.
The Daughter’s Minimalistic Lifestyle
Jason’s daughter’s interests are more minimalistic when it comes to most things and does not spend a lot of money. “She will when she finds things she likes. She is not into fashion, rarely puts on makeup (when she does, it is very light), bought a used but nice car, etc.” he said.
The Son’s Extravagant Lifestyle
Jason’s son, on the other hand, spends most of his money when he gets it. Jason said his son “always has new clothes constantly, [recently] bought a new, very expensive car with payments, goes out all the time, and spends everything he gets.”
The College Fund
The children recently received their acceptance letters for college, and the daughter will be able to pick any of her choices due to grades and her savings plus her parents’ contributions. On the other hand, Jason’s son is upset that he can’t go to the college he wants because he has not saved up much and would need to get a loan. With what his father makes, he doesn’t qualify for much.
However, Jason did note that his son “has enough money in his college fund so that he can attend a Community college for 4 years or a good college for 2. Nothing fancy or big.”
The Ex-Wife Responds
Jason said that his ex wife, his children’s mother, says that he is favoring his daughter over his son. “My ex says I need to stop favoring my daughter and financially hurting my son and just pay for his college.”
Jason explained that he can easily fund their education, however because he refuses to do so, his ex-wife is calling him names. He also said that his ex-wife and her side of the family are “all calling me a [bad father] for not paying” although he easily could.
Jason defended his decision and said, “I told them that he had a choice when he was younger and he didn’t listen. I also pointed out the fact that if he had saved his money, he would have also been able to go [to school] where he wanted.”
He Tried To Teach His Son Over The Years
Jason also notes that he did not just teach his children about saving and investing while they were children, but continued to urge them to save as they were growing up. “I did keep asking him to try again throughout the years. But he didn’t care. I gave up almost two years ago when he said he wanted to live almost full time at his mom’s house. We had an argument that made me back off. I didn’t just stop and drop it when he was really young.”
Opinions Are Mixed
Jason has been accused by others of favoring his daughter and neglecting his son financially. However, not everyone agrees with this assessment. Some believe that the son should have made better financial choices, while others think that the father is not doing enough to help his son.
One commenter said, “He made it clear that the funds set aside were enough to go to community college for 4 years or a good college for 2.” This commenter suggests that Jason has done enough and that the son needs to take responsibility for his own financial decisions.
Father Is At Fault
However, not everyone agrees with this sentiment. Another commenter said to Jason, “I doubt this will be a popular opinion, but I think you’re [at fault] in general. Right now you have a choice of helping your kid get a start on his adult life and you’re using it to make some sort of ideological point instead of helping him.” This commenter believes that Jason is being unfair to his son and that he should help him regardless of his past financial decisions.
Another suggested that Jason should pay for both children’s college in full. They said, “Jason says he can easily pay for both kids’ college in full. So why doesn’t he just do this for both and let his daughter keep the money she’s saved up? Daughter will probably always have more – she’s brighter and works harder. If son wants to be upset about that so be it.”