A woman is at a loss on what to do with her husband who is extremely impatient with his daugther.
A woman we’ll call ‘Charlotte’ is struggling with her husband’s negative behavior towards their 5-year-old daughter and is unsure of how to handle the situation.
He Acts Like A Teenager
Charlotte complains of how her husband acts like a teenager when he has to parent. She said, “just as an example, when helping our 5yo with her bedtime routine, he honestly acts like a surly teenager. Moaning and groaning, dragging his feet, sighing deeply if she goes too slow for his liking, etc.”
Child Begs Mom To Do Bedtime Routine
It has gotten so bad that her daughter begs her to do the bedtime routine with her instead of her dad. However she said, “a lot of the parental labor is on my shoulders alone. As much as I can, I try to let him do it without my interfering so he can learn, but it’s only gotten worse over the years.”
“Sometimes I get so frustrated listening to him nitpick and harp on her incessantly,” Charlotte said. She also gives an example of how her husband would react towards their daughter: “‘Do that instantly. Why isn’t it done yet? You know what? Forget it. Do what you want.’ Along with constant criticism that what needs to be done isn’t done flawlessly.”
Charlotte Tries To Communicate
“I have tried talking to him about this several times,” Charlotte said. “We sit down, we have a serious discussion, and every time it ends the same way. No matter how kindly I put it or how much I tell him I’m not judging him and that I understand, he takes it as a personal attack. He shuts down and gets really upset and says “yeah I know I’m a terrible parent” And it never changes.”
Others Suggest Reading Parenting Books
Many weighed in on Charlotte’s situation. One person said, “Have you guys ever read and agreed on a parenting book? Like “how to talk so little kids will listen”. Sometimes it takes a third party to be like ‘this is good parenting'”. She also notes that both parties need to agree on the book for it to be an effective parenting tactic. This way it’s “less your opinion and more ‘hey we agreed that the book has good, positive tactics and you were using negative tactics’.”
Let Him Make Up His Own Nighttime Routine
Another offered a suggestion on how to make bedtime routine work for her husband. He said, “guys like that are the worst. Maybe try saying why its good that he reads to his daughter. Focusing on the benefits might work better. You can also let him make his own nighttime routine with your daughter. My wife and I have different methods for bedtime and my son learned that it’s normal to be different. With that said, for it to be normalized your husband is gonna have to do it more frequently.”
Someone else suggested using an incentive to make him do better with the bedtime routine. “What is it that your husband would rather be doing at this time? It sounds like he’s in a hurry to be somewhere else. Does he just want to sit on his phone, watch tv, read, play video games? I ask because you might be able to use his desire to do [what he wants] towards your end of being a good parent at bedtime. I realize this does not improve the core issue but it sounds like you’re in need of solutions and not internet strangers berating your (admittedly) stinker of a spouse.”